STAG dos are no longer the preserve of louts on the piss. Classy, refined grown-ups enjoy them too, and these horribly sophisticated things will happen:
Tasting, not drinking. There’ll be no raucous cries of ‘down it’ on this cultured excursion as you would be unable to appreciate the finely-aged whisky served in the thimble in front of you. Instead, you’ll all sit in rapt silence as a posh bearded man explains what you thought you already knew: how to drink. Then, polite nods all round as you sip.
Hedonism on stag dos is for boys. Real men want to run around like oversized golden retrievers and chase endorphins by playing Zorb football or Ultimate frisbee. Not even a trip to a strip club for one last lap dance as a free man could get the stag’s pulse racing like the early morning 5K run you’ll all do as a bonding exercise.
Making mature friends
Going on the pull might be top of the agenda for some other guys, but your group has happily struck up a repertoire with a married couple from Canada and is recommending them some nice restaurants and outings. The buzz of giving Tony and Jill help with their holiday far outweighs the temporary thrill of debauched nightclub shenanigans.
Stealing fancy glassware instead of traffic cones
Now you have a smart BMW M5 you care about the rules of the road. You certainly won’t be messing around with important construction markers. The only thing coming home with you is a restaurant’s charming water tumblers because they’ll go so nicely with your kitchen. You’ll giggle with glee at how impressed future dinner party guests will be.
Going to bed at a reasonable hour
After a busy day of carefully choreographed activities, the old yawn and stretch is enough for everyone to agree it’s time for bed. Too old for airbeds, you each snuggle down into your comfy mattresses and tell each other how much you appreciate your friendship. The only late-night trip to the toilet is due to Ryan from university’s tiny weak bladder, and not because he’s had one too many beers.
Receiving a commemorative gift
Traditionally, the lasting gift of a stag do is a questionable tattoo or gonorrhoea. Not so when it comes to a mature man’s send off. Instead you’ll receive a beautiful leather bound photo album filled with images taken over the weekend. Because what happens on a grown-up stag do stays with you forever as a wonderful shared experience.