CHILDREN under the age of 15 should never be allowed to fly a passenger jet, not even for five minutes, according to the chief medical officer.
Sir Liam Donaldson said the advice may seem obvious, but too many parents are still allowing their child to take the family car, drive to the airport and start fiddling about in the cockpit of a Boeing 737.
He added: "We've all heard stories about people who flew 350 passengers from Heathrow to JFK when they were 12 and it never did them any harm, but there are many more who had to ditch in the Atlantic and then wait for their parents to come and clean up the mess."
Sir Liam has issued new guidance outlining all the things children are not supposed to do, including chainsaw testing, running a major clearing bank, 'crack-whoring' and 24-hour tequila snorting contests.
But Kyle Stephenson, 14, from Berwick Upon Tweed, said: "The bank thing I can understand – and maybe the crack-whoring – but I love flying planes and getting drunk.
"And at least when I drink I do fun things like setting fire to old mattresses and laying waste to entire communities, instead of getting a bit racist and then trying to touch my neighbour's wife on the tits."
Six year-old wine connoisseur, Gemma Bishop, also attacked the plans, adding: "I have developed a keen palate and have a particular fondness for a late harvest merlot, especially with Coco-Pops.
"But I don't really like Pinot Grigio, mainly because it tastes of poo and bogies."