Universities full of people who want to impress Alan Sugar

UNIVERSITY is poor value for money unless you are the sort of person who thinks Alan Sugar is exciting, it has been claimed.

Despite fees of up to £9,000 a year, a survey of recent graduates said university was mostly people doing business courses and going to bed early, rather than getting shitfaced on snakebite and talking bollocks about everything.

Tom Logan, who has a BA from Reading University, said: “Most nights the student union bar looked like a post-seminar breakout session at a conference for regional estate agents.

“Meanwhile, the women were only interested in guys who played rugby and had a car. So I’m now 30 grand in debt and have never had I what I would describe as ‘proper sex’.

“Thank you, Nick Clegg.”

But marketing student Nikki Hollis said: “If you don’t want to impress Alan Sugar then why are you going to university in the first place?”