STUDENTS hoping to move on to higher education from the University of Life must now pay a four-figure annual sum.
The UL’s BSc course in Street Savvy has a worldwide reputation for excellence producing successful graduates such as Lord Sugar and Jamie Oliver, while Cara Delevigne and Prince Harry both attended the BA course in Being Born Beautiful and/or Rich.
Such courses have traditionally been free, but from September students who opt to learn by getting their hands dirty will pay either with cash, payday loans or an addiction to crystal meth.
Defending the introduction of the £9.000 a year fees, David Cameron said, “Is it really fair that hardworking British families have to pay for their kids’ education at some uni that used to be a motorway service station, while benefit scroungers can get it gratis just by selling snide Armani jumpers their mate Shannon got off some geezer in Poplar?”
UKIP leader Nigel Farage, himself a UL graduate, said: “I studied free for my degree in Good Sound Common Sense. I’d very much like that opportunity for all British people, unfortunately too many illegal immigrants are abusing the system.
“I can’t give any specific examples of this, but as my old tutor always used to say, it stands to reason, doesn’t it?”