Len McCluskey revealed to be Marquis of Shaftesbury

UNION leader Len McCluskey is really George De Montford, the 12th Marquis of Shaftesbury, it has emerged.

The Unite general secretary was forced to admit his true identity after it became completely obvious he wants the Conservative Party to be in power forever.

Removing his jowly, prosthetic face, the Marquis said: “I’ve enjoyed being Len, it was absolutely spiffing,  but I did get rather sweaty under all this latex.

“Because I have the bearing of an aristocrat it was necessary to make me look as if I had been raised in a working class environment where people lift dirty things with their hands.

“Anyway, damage done. From on you will never know whether Britain’s unions are led by genuine socialists, or me and some of my friends from school.”

The Marquis revealed he studied the methods of previous hard-line union leaders while receiving Liverpudlian accent training from former world snooker champion John Parrott.

He added: “John Parrott works for MI5 and could kill you with his nose.”

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Man just assumes he's getting minimum wage

BAR worker Tom Logan has not even bothered to ask his boss whether his new job pays more than the legal minimum wage.

After completing a four-hour unpaid introductory training session, Logan said he could not be bothered to clarify his pay rate.

He said: “In the current work climate, the only question I ask is whether I’m going to be getting a wage at all.

“If the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘almost definitely’, I just leave it at that.”

Bar owner, Martin Bishop said: “Of course I don’t mind people asking about their hourly rate, but only after they’ve been here at least eight months. Before that I consider it an act of insubordination bordering on deep emotional betrayal.

“I mean, I’ve rescued these people from the gutter and given them their own cloth.”