Western culture still very much there, say experts

LIBERAL western culture does not seem to have noticed it is under threat, experts have confirmed.

And here's a picture of a woman in a bikini

The Institute for Studies has found that Europe is positively teeming with Europeans, many of whom are drinking alcohol, disrespecting their parents or having pre-marital sex at this very moment.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Everyone keeps saying western culture is under threat from Muslims or something, so we thought we’d better check. Turns out it’s not.”

The Institute asked a dozen volunteers to record their everyday experiences to measure the extent to which liberal western values are being steadily overwhelmed by a never-ending tsunami of differentness.

Professor Brubaker added: “We basically just asked them to walk around for a bit and see if they noticed any stuff.”

Research volunteer, Stephen Malley, a personnel manager from Finsbury Park, said: “I get up at 7.30. My bedroom is  generally free of Muslim extremists. Maybe they all congregate there when I’m at work. Who knows?

“I have a hate-free, non-halal bowl of Cheerios and a cup of coffee that does not have an opinion about the role of women in society. Meanwhile, I listen to an oaf on the radio making jokes that I doubt were approved by an imam, or indeed someone with a brain.

“During my walk to the bus stop I pass – on average – three women wearing burkas and 75 women wearing short skirts – and I mean short. They seem happy and at no point does anyone convert them to Islam or criticise their choice of clothing. In fact, I sense approval.

“The bus is driven by a man with dark brown skin who sounds exactly like me. I would not be surprised if at least one of his grandparents arrived in Britain before mine did. The bus is filled with a variety of people. None of them try to undermine my values. They mostly just sit there.

“When I get to my desk I spend about two hours reading newspaper websites that seem to be able to publish whatever they please, including articles about how western culture is being destroyed by immigration. I sometimes wonder if I’m supposed to be scared.

“During the day I chat to my colleagues. At no point does anyone set fire to anything or call me ‘the Great Satan’.

“After work I go for a pint of beer. The barman does not seem ashamed to serve me, even though the fucker is charging me an insane amount of money.

“I get the bus home, eat a pork chop and then flick through more than 100 channels filled with people expressing themselves freely. I have so far been unable to find an Islamic fundamentalist channel. I shall keep looking.

“Often I will watch Sex and the City and marvel at the sexual athleticism of the older one, and some evenings my boyfriend and I will discuss our upcoming civil partnership ceremony. Thus far, no one has arrested us for doing this.

“And that’s my day.”