POLITICIANS are forever accusing each other of being from North London, and it seems to be a terrible slur. Here’s how I imagine it based on what they say.
Every resident is part of the metropolitan elite
After watching PMQs for several years, I have learned that anyone who lives north of the Thames is a fancy metropolitan champagne socialist elitist who has no idea about the plight of the working man. There is zero poverty whatsoever, and every family is issued an Aga and a set of Le Creuset pans when they move in.
They still vote for Tony Blair
New Labour killed the Labour Party for ordinary people like me, but Tony Blair is worshipped like a god in North London. Due to the fact that the liberal elite are still secretly running the country, despite 12 years of Tory government, anyone living within a mile of Holloway Road can tick a box for Blair on their ballot paper and he’ll come round and personally cook them a tofu dinner.
Islington is built on top of a metrosexual hellmouth
Boris Johnson often warned of the insidious dangers of Islington, which is built on top of the mouth of hell and populated with men who do girly things like check their reflections in the mirror. Yes, I know Boris had a £3.5m house there himself, but that was purely for research purposes. He’s certainly not a massive hypocrite.
The taxis only go to the BBC
No one in North London owns a car or takes the bus because the only form of transport available is expensive taxis, which they can afford with all their filthy money. However, as Liz Truss pointed out, these taxis only go to the BBC, where the occupants appear on Newsnight trying to force ordinary blokes like me to change sex.
Anyone who doesn’t live there is poor
Anyone who lives anywhere else in the whole country is much less wealthy that the North London elite. Even Rishi Sunak, who lives in a mansion in West London and is a millionaire. Seems a bit odd, but if Tory politicians are saying it, then it must be true.
