Man traumatised by co-worker who actually does want something from shop

A MAN who asked whether anyone in the office fancied anything from the shop was left devastated when somebody said they did.

Administrator Joe Turner was popping to the nearby Tesco Express when he asked colleagues if they wanted anything – assuming they would all understand it was a completely hollow, insincere gesture.

But his world was flipped upside down when one, Wayne Hayes, had the audacity to request a can of Diet Coke and a Wispa.

Mr Turner, 35, said: “Everyone’s supposed to know that’s a completely meaningless, insincere question. Of course I wasn’t actually offering to get anyone something from the f**king shop. It’s just one of those things you say to be polite.

“Wayne had the gall to ask for two separate things, like I’m his bloody personal assistant. And the bastard didn’t even have any cash on him. He said he’d pay me back, but I just know I’m never seeing that £1.80 again.

“It’s a flagrant breach of unspoken social rules. It’s like when you ask a mate if they want a hand moving house. You’re not meant to say yes to that sort of thing. It’s just bad manners.”

Hayes said he has no plans to reimburse Turner’s £1.80 for the purchase that same day, despite both men having access to internet banking.

He added: “I know about the unspoken social rules. I know I wasn’t really meant to ask for anything. I just fancied some chocolate and hatched a brilliant, devious plan to save myself a tiny amount of effort.”  

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Why being turned down by a date is the worst kind of sexism, by a man

I’M all for feminism, except when it goes too far, which it does all the time. Here’s how being turned down by a date makes me, and all men, victims of sexism. By James Bates.

We’re judged on looks

Women constantly complain about being judged solely on their appearance. If that’s the case, why did my date Carolyn keep banging on about how I looked nothing like my photo on Tinder? Sure, in my profile picture I’ve slightly more hair, weigh a few stone less, and am about a decade younger, but what about judging me on my personality, eh feminazis?

Negative gender stereotyping

Political correctness means we’re not supposed to assume that women are pathologically obsessed with shoes, or can’t fly planes. So why did Carolyn assume that because I’m a man, when I invited her to my flat after dinner for coffee I just wanted sex? Whether that was true or not is completely irrelevant.


I went all out for this date – shiniest shirt, Lynx Africa, fresh underwear. Yet throughout the evening I was disgusted that Carolyn completely failed to sexually objectify me. At no point during dinner did she seem close to being overcome with carnal desire, not even when I was eating that rack of ribs with my hands. It just felt unfair after all the hours I’ve spent objectifying women.

Provocative clothing

Despite having an amount of chest hair on display that would’ve made Tom Jones blush, my attempts to dress sexily for our dinner were labelled by Carolyn as ‘embarrassing’ and I was ‘putting her off her carbonara’. If my dashing, open shirt was such an issue, why was judging me on how I dressed? She’s the real sexist here.

Where’s the equality?

I thought fighting sexism was about creating equality between men and women, yet at no point do I remember Carolyn consulting me on my feelings about whether we had sex. It was assumed she was speaking for both us when she said it wasn’t going to happen. And she completely shut down my constructive discussion about at least wanking me off. I don’t call that respecting my views.