CONCERNS have been raised over the standard of science teaching after it emerged thousands of GCSE pupils could not tell the difference between a microscope and a frog.
Exam regulator Ofqual has demanded urgent action by ministers before a child suffers serious internal injuries from trying to drink a bag of carpet tacks.
Ofqual said the dumbing down of science teaching has led to children being awarded physics GCSEs for running head first into a wall, while the chemistry exam involves making a glass of Ribena without getting yourself or anyone else pregnant.
Meanwhile one child was awarded a 'B' grade after claiming gravity was invented in 1994 by his Uncle Derek.
A spokesman said: "We risk creating a generation of adults who will not only lack vital 21st century skills, but who also risk electrocuting themselves while trying to release the tiny people trapped inside their television sets."
Questions from last year's science GCSE paper include:
- Where is 'up'? Is it: (a) up (b) down (c) Thursday?
- If a falling object accelerates at 10 metres per second per second, who is your favourite character on Desperate Housewives?
- Why aren't aeroplanes made from butter?
Schools mininster Jim Knight defended the exam system, adding: "As long as the most able pupils are being stretched we just have to make sure the rest of them know the difference between hot and cold so they don't keep shoving their head into the deep fat frier at KFC."