When's this shit getting automated? ask mothers

MOTHERS have confirmed they are sick of waiting for artificial intelligence to automate all the tedious, repetitive shit they have to do.

Jane Thomson is urging the AI industry to innovate faster. “I’m like a robot already. AI could replace me in an instant with a recording that just says, “Put your pants on. Put your pants on. PUT YOUR PANTS ON.

“Then I could just lie on the floor in silence and breathe in and out for a moment and try to remember who I am, but actually probably just realise that the ceiling needs re-doing along with every-bloody-thing else.”

Experts insist that while it may seem tedious on a moment by moment basis, crafting a human child and teaching it to be self-sufficient is ultimately satisfying.

Thomson added: “Whatever. Piss off.”

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Woman puzzled why 'filling up on bread' is a bad thing

A WOMAN has happily filled up on delicious bread in a restaurant without  a care in the world.

Woman and bread lover, Nikki Hollis, said she was happy to fill up on bread – despite people often saying it is a bad idea when eating out – because bread is delicious.

Hollis said: “And we’re not even talking shop bought bread that you use for toast or sandwiches. Which is also delicious.

“This is fancy restaurant bread that comes with oil. For dipping, no less.

“So anyone who thinks eating amazing fresh bread in a restaurant is a bad idea can basically go fuck themselves.”