LIBERALS, who are the real racists, have accused me of spending my honest English patriot supporters’ money on booze and coke. Lies. Here’s where it went:
A castle where whites can be safe
An Englishman’s home is his castle, and I am nothing if not an Englishman. I didn’t demand a 60,000 square foot home to live in. Those loyal to the red, white and blue demanded it for me, and it was my honour to live there. Also there’s a 32ft bouncy castle, but that’s for the kiddies.
A submarine for patrolling English waters
Our country’s under siege. You know this. And if our shores aren’t guarded we’ll be flooded with undesirables. I can’t say who because the media will twist my words. So I’ve been patrolling secretly in a submarine my mate Trev built in his garage. He’s got a bar inside, and you watch the underwater stuff on a 55-inch flatscreen. Yeah, we have a few cans, but sailors have always liked a drink.
There’s nothing at all offensive about blackface. I’m reliably informed Trevor McDonald was The Black & White Minstrel Show’s biggest fan. So when the family needs entertaining and can’t watch the ‘diversity’ propaganda on the BBC, I black up and do a little show for them, proving I’m not racist once and for all. Not cheap though, boot polish.
In today’s Britain a white man can’t be sure his blood hasn’t been polluted. I’m not saying what with because I don’t have to, you’ve been on buses. So now and then I administer a special medicinal white powder into my bloodstream that purges all impurities from it. You’re soon buzzing with good health.
A film I’ve not finished yet
How do you win hearts and minds? As Hitler knew, with films. Not right about everything but he was a military genius. Anyway, I’ve been making a film with a patriotic theme in me bedroom with a green screen. It’s kind of a kung-fu action superhero sci-fi romance epic. I play Captain England, so you’ll all get your money back when Marvel buys it.