White supremacists ‘commemorate the past’ by living with their parents

WHITE supremacists are ‘commemorating the past’ by refusing to leave their parents’ basements.

Jake O’Brien, who describes himself as ‘alt-right’ said: “To move out of my parents’ place would just be rewriting history.

“There’s no denying that I lived here as a child, and to leave would basically be suggesting I was never here. It’s the same reason I still play Dungeons and Dragons and wet the bed.

“I do it to honour the brave man and woman who raised me.”

Jake’s father, Don O’Brien, said: “Sure it’d be nice if Jake moved out and got his own place, but he won’t let us change anything about his childhood room, out of ‘respect’.

“Once I floated the idea of making his bedroom into a home office, and he staged a massive protest. Took all the tiki torches from the yard. Now we have our barbeques in the dark.”

Jake’s mother, Maureen O’Brien, said: “My Jake isn’t racist, he’s just really nostalgic. He still makes me check under the bed for Jews. Adorable!”

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Usual dicks making idiotic fuss over large bell

A LARGE bell in central London has caused uproar among the usual dicks.

The people who are in charge of the bell said it was old and needed work done to it causing the usual dicks to describe it as a national disgrace while running around and flapping their arms.

One of the media dicks said: “The bell is the most important thing in Britain.”

Some backbench Tory dick added: “If we don’t hear it every hour of every day our society will collapse.”

But Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Would you listen to the state of those fucking dicks.

“Do you think they can actually hear themselves? It’s just embarrassing.”

Professor Brubaker also pointed out that it is just a big bell and that non-one gives a fuck.