Despotic lunatic forces women to become 'maids' in matching uniforms

A GROUP of women are being forced to act as ‘maids’ to a power-mad lunatic.

The four females are thought to have entered into the arrangement willingly, unaware of the danger ahead.

Speaking anonymously, one of the group said: “It happened so suddenly. One day she was annoying but reasonably sane. The next she had taken over my entire life. I was enslaved.”

The four women – who have never met before and are struggling to find common ground – are all now the prisoners of a figure known as ‘The Bride’ or occasionally ‘Emma’.

Another of the ‘maids’ added: “We have to attend weekly ‘maid meetings’ to discuss something called a ‘DIY-chic aesthetic’ and become deeply embroiled in her family politics.”

She added: “I’ve spoken to ‘The Mother’ four times this week about the colour peach.

“My only hope is to disguise myself and move to Canada.”

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Davis trying to sneak old Ford Fiesta he can't shift into Brexit deal 

DAVID Davis has tried to sneak a number of things he has been trying to sell online into the Brexit deal, it has been confirmed.

European officials noticed the Brexit secretary was willing to compromise on allowing EU citizens to stay in Britain as long as the EU bought his 2003 red Ford Fiesta for £500.

EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier said: “£500 for a 14 year old Ford Fiesta? He’s even more delusional than we thought.

“He wouldn’t even tell us what the mileage was on it. And I had a look at the photos – he hasn’t even hoovered it. Shoddy.”

Other items include a badly scratched copy of Hunky Dory on vinyl, a chest of drawers with ‘Van Halen’ carved on the top and one of those wide-screen TV’s with the big back that you cannot even give away.

Davis added: “I’m just trying to get the best deal possible for Britain and see if I can make a few quid on the side.”