William Hints At A 2011 Royal Dumping

PRINCE William has fuelled speculation that an official Royal dumping could come as early as next February.

The event could also be staged at Balmoral where his father wished he had dumped his mother in 1981

Insiders say preparations are already being made for a formal termination in the likely setting of the Prince’s RAF accommodation. The discussion should begin after an unusually quiet Pot Noodle, probably during Merlin.

Royal pundit Julian Cook said: “It seems the groundwork has been laid, but given that Kate is supposed to be coming to his for Christmas and has already bought him a present that was well beyond her means, he’s probably going to postpone the actual ‘coup de grace’ for at least a month.”

He added: “Prince Charles has given his blessing. He is not at all fond of Kate and thinks she is a really appalling girl who will make an excellent addition to some ghastly middle class family who think Pizza Expres is a restaurant.”

Style expert Emma Bradford speculated on what Kate might wear for the dumping: “Given that it’ll probably be a surprise, I’m guessing something casual. Jeans and a jumper, maybe even an old shirt of William’s for extra poignancy.”

Rumours of the forthcoming separation have prompted manufacturers of royal ephemera to start work on related merchandise.

Trinket maker Roy Hobbs said: “We’ve done a commemorative mousemat with a hologram on it. At first you see the couple in a tender embrace, and then when you tilt it back a bit Kate is crying and William is waving to her as he drives away in an open topped sports car with a heavily-titted blonde girl in the passenger seat.”

He added: “There will also be a ceramic garden water feature in the shape of Kate’s head, where the ‘tears’ create a double waterfall effect.”