Woman caught singing at traffic lights now has to see song through

A WOMAN spotted singing heartily along to music in her car now has no option but to complete the song, she has confirmed. 

Nikki Hollis, who accidentally made eye contact with the driver of the car next to her at the red light just as she was belting out the chorus, decided it was less embarrassing to simply performatively yell the whole track.

She said: “I’m not being shamed into stopping singing in the privacy of my own car. Even if I do feel like I’m on the fucking Voice.

“I took it down a notch for the second verse when the lights changed, because I was busy changing gear and I don’t know the words, but there the same bloke was at the next set so I was still eyeballing the nosy prick right through the middle eight.

“Still, I imagine it’s brought a bit of brightness and joy into his day, so I can feel good about that.” 

Nathan Muir, the inadvertent witness, said: “I just wanted to rap the entire of Young MC’s Know How but she kept looking at me and shouting. I don’t know what about.”

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The mums' guide to fighting at the school gates

HAVING a fight while doing the school run is an increasingly popular pastime with mums looking to establish dominance and keep healthy. Here’s how to get into a ruck and come out on top: 

Find a flimsy excuse for kicking off

A gambit similar to the pub fight favourite ‘Did you spill my pint?’, adapted for the educational sector, is ‘Did you just nudge my buggy?’ or ‘I hear your Liam’s shit at spelling’. Violence will ensue.

Foment personal tensions

To make a confrontation really personal and get straight to the eye-gouging stage you need to get under other mums’ skin. Pump your child for informations so you can use lines like ‘D’you piss yourself when you do a maths test, Sandra, like your Lucy does?’

Fight dirty

There are no rules when you’re fighting a mum-of-three outside a school, each wielding a two-year-old in a Quinny Moodd. Headbutting, biting and scratching are where it starts. If you’ve got serious beef with a mum – say her son’s reading age is higher than your son’s – don’t be afraid to smash a French horn upside her head. It’s only borrowed from school.

Have a pop at a teacher

Mum fights aren’t just about the adrenalin rush, you also want respect. And what better way to get it than battering that stuck-up deputy head who said your little angel Callum had ‘behaviour issues’?

Watch out for the pigs

If the truth be told, rozzers like a bit of argy-bargy themselves. If you’re planning a mass brawl outside your child’s primary school, learn from football hooligans and get the other mums to act as lookouts.