Woman completes ‘colouring in’ book then burns it in garden

A 32-YEAR-OLD woman has coloured in a book of pictures, then had a moment of clarity and burned it.

Mother-of-one Nikki Hollis became a big fan of ‘adult colouring’ books after her divorce.

She said: “Over the last year I’ve coloured in literally thousands of highly detailed wildlife illustrations.

“I’ve got all the books from Rainforest Wonderland and Undersea Realm to Forest of the Relaxing Voles. Even Delightful Swirly Patterns, which as the name suggests is just swirly patterns.”

However after Hollis spent the morning colouring a drawing of an owl in various shades of mauve, she realised it was a total fucking waste of time.

“I took the owl picture, and all my other colouring in, and I calmly tore it up. Then I cleared an area of lawn, made a heap of shredded paper and poured barbecue fluid all over it.

“I could see many colours in the flames. The colours of a new life.”

She added: “Then the Amazon delivery man came with my new colouring in books, including Unicorn Island II: Land of Whimsy which looks really good.”

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Nobody cares about your stupid career

NO-ONE gives a shit about your idiotic career so shut up about it, it has been confirmed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies confirmed that plans for your working life are of zero interest to anyone except you and that all information about it should be kept to yourself.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “If you are talking about your career, close your idiot mouth right now.

“You may be exhausted from doing long hours, because ‘that’s what it takes to get where I need to be’.

“Indeed you might feel under-valued by your manager, who was surprisingly harsh in her last appraisal despite that fact the you frequently stay until half eight and if she asks anyone they will confirm it.

“It’s even possible that you may have a plan to do another year in the London office and then get a transfer to Japan, which is apparently where the big money is. Or you may be earmarked for something or other.

“Nobody gives a fuck.

“You are a monkey crawling around on a rock, your nakedness covered with some stitched-together patches of fabric. In a few decades you will be dust.

“Nobody will remember how you smashed it at the client presentation in Cologne. Nobody even cares now.”

He said: “In two minutes’ time, you’ll be talking about your career again.”