Woman discovers adding 'LOL!' is great excuse to be an utter shit

A WOMAN who adds ‘LOL!’ to the end of all communication thinks she can get away with being completely vile.

Emma Bradshaw, 25, puts the irritating acronym at the end of texts, emails, Christmas cards, letters to the bank and any other message that includes something unpleasant.

Bradshaw said: “It’s a get out of jail free card for when I want to be an absolute fucker with no repercussions. Which is surely all anyone wants out of life?”

“And if anyone accuses me of being horrible, I can point out that it was clearly a big joke and make them feel like they’re being irritating, humourless twats.”

She added: “My favourite one was when I wrote a list of everything I found annoying about my boyfriend in his birthday card. He started crying and then I shouted ‘LOL!’ in his face until he stopped.”

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UKIP to ban snoods, foreign cheese and all curries hotter than a rogan josh

UKIP has unveiled its manifesto with a pledge to ban the snood, hot curry and ‘untrustworthy’ foreign cheese.

Party leader Paul Nuttall said the policies showed UKIP was ‘getting back to its roots’ and ‘listening to ordinary people who are rightly terrified of snoods’.

But the bulk of the manifesto will focus on the banning of foreign foodstuffs, particularly the gooier French cheeses and the hotter curries, including dopiaza, jalfrezi and vinadaloo.

Nuttall said: “Supermarket shelf space that should be used for solid, heterosexual English cheese is being surrendered to squidgy European filth made by perverts.

“And as much as I respect the virile manliness required to take on a really hot curry, there comes a point where it goes from being just a bit too spicy to being a deliberate attempt to destroy British culture from within.

“Much like the snood.”