Woman 'flaunting' her baby bump by not wearing circus big top

A WOMAN who is wearing clothes that allow people to see she is pregnant is just flaunting herself, it has been claimed.

Caroline Ryan has been made to feel like she is being smug and boastful by stepping outside not wearing something that resembles a giant tent that would typically be filled with acrobats.

Ryan said: “I’m just glad to have stopped having morning sickness long enough to be able to put some clothes on in the first place.

“Judging by what I’ve read in newspaper opinion pieces, society wants me to be pregnant because it’s ‘natural’, but doesn’t want to actually see me being pregnant because it’s somehow distasteful.

“This puts me in a bit of a bind.”

She added: “And if I did wear a dress so large that it should probably come with ropes and pegs, I’d just be judged for looking dowdy. Why do I feel like I can’t win?

“Ah yes, I am a woman.”

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'We got through the war and we'll get through this' says plumber born in 1977

A MAN born more than three decades after the Second World War is acting like he flew Spitfires against the Luftwaffe.

Martin Bishop, 41, from Lincoln, has declared that ‘we got through the war, and we will get through this’ despite being minus-38 years-old when Hitler invaded Poland.

Bishop regularly invokes the Second World War as an example of how he and others will be absolutely fine in the face of multiple crises, while having lived in complete comfort his whole life.

Historian Tom Logan said: “There is growing evidence that middle-aged people across Britain are referring to ‘Churchillian spirit’ while spending most of their lives in the pub or playing golf.”

D-Day veteran Norman Steele, who was 19 at the end of the war, added: “The last thing we want is anything compared to that shitshow again. But sure, tell us again how ‘we’ beat the Nazis you ham-faced bellend.”