Woman genuinely contemptuous of celebrity fashion

A WOMAN has failed to realise that outrageous fashions are just part of a grim celebrity publicity machine.

“How do these idiots get to be famous?”

Office manager Donna Sheridan frequently experiences real shock and contempt for ridiculously dressed celebrities who are successfully generating publicity and thus money.

Sheridan said: “Did you see what Cara Delevigne was wearing at the British Fashion Awards? I bet she felt pretty stupid when she woke up the next day.

“And what was Rihanna thinking at the MTV party, wearing tiny hotpants and a barely-there transparent top? She could easily lose all credibility in the R&B community by dressing like a slut.

“The worst is Kim Kardashian. The other day she went out in Los Angeles wearing a skin-tight leather bodysuit that was practically pornographic.

“She must be really thick because even I know LA is full of photographers.”

Other celebrities who have been strongly criticised by Sheridan include Alexa Chung, Millie Mackintosh and Katy Perry, all of whom would regard Sheridan as less significant than a moth if they even knew she existed.

Celebrity fashionista Nikki Hollis said: “For me, going to the Elle Awards dressed like a hooker version of Coco the Clown is honest graft no different to working in a warehouse or tarmacing a B-road.

“Although I doubt many road workers suffer constant gnawing pangs of existential emptiness.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Chisora finally lands right hook on sleeping Fury

BOXER Dereck Chisora has landed a blow on Tyson Fury, 72 hours after their bout ended.

After breaking into Fury’s bedroom, Chisora produced a haymaker, artfully finding the gap between the duvet cover.

Fury won the pair’s fight at the Excel Arena last weekend after Chisora’s strategy of repeatedly walking into his fist proved less successful than he had anticipated.

Wayne Hayes, Chisora’s corner man said: “Tyson’s much bigger and better at boxing. Our game plan didn’t allow for him moving or extending his arms.

“But we always knew if we stayed patient, Tyson would make a mistake and he finally did when he curled up in bed.

“Fury had no answer. He just lay there snoring. Then he got lucky – he yawned, stretched and knocked Dereck out cold.”