Woman gets f**king Easter card

A WOMAN has been left confused after receiving a fucking Easter card from her aunt. 

Joanna Kramer’s bafflement began before she opened the envelope, which clearly contained a greetings card of some kind even though her birthday is seven months away. 

She said: “Then I opened it, and it’s a bunny in a bowtie with the message ‘Hoppy Easter!’ What the fuck? 

“Who sends Easter cards? Why would you send an Easter card? Who would even casually wish someone Happy Easter in the first place?

“And it’s clearly from a pack of ten, meaning there’s loads of us with no clue what to do with this shit. I can’t put it on the mantelpiece with my other Easter cards because I haven’t got any and just one will make me look a right Easter No Mates.

She added: “I’d be fine with an egg. An egg would have made sense.” 

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Trump expels 60 Russian porn stars

DONALD Trump has expelled 60 top Russian adult movie stars from the US in response to the Stormy Daniels TV interview.

The White House confirmed the move saying that Trump had hand-picked the actors to be repatriated from a list that just happened to be on his computer.

A White House spokesperson said: “If we let these Russian performers stay then we run the risk of more hard-hitting hour-long interviews about the president’s slug-like naked body, and how it looks like 250 pounds of raw sausage meat removed from its casing.”

Russian porn actor ‘Angel Delight’ said: “I think it’s very unhelpful, especially as I’ve been lined up by the Kremlin to be the next president.”