A MAN who affects an air of mystery is actually just a dick, it has been confirmed.
Nathan Muir is perceived as a mysterious intellectual because he gives monosyllabic answers with a wry smile that often leave people feeling stupid and awkward.
Recent acquaintance Tom Booker said: “A friend described Nathan as a ‘fascinating enigma’ and said that ‘in many ways he’s unknowable.’
“But I tried to talk to him for two hours at a bar and came to the conclusion he might actually just be a cock.
“I was told that he’s a film director so his bouts of silence are probably because he’s internally grappling with an artistic truth.
“Then I discovered his most recent project was an advert for Burger King.”
Muir’s ex-girlfriend Mary Fisher said: “He’s a twat. Mystery solved.”