Woman gets happiness from things she bought

A WOMAN is happy as a result of buying herself some nice things, she has confirmed.

Emma Bradford announced her newfound happiness by unveiling to friends her massive new TV, stylish trainers and top-of-the-line smartphone.

She said: “It’s amazing. I didn’t think any of this would bring me any happiness at all.

“But it has. Loads.

“No two ways about it, I’m definitely happy wearing these trainers and watching The Blue Planet on a screen so good I’ve discovered that fish have pores. So, take that Buddha.”

Fellow happy consumer Wayne Hayes added: “People always tell you that the best things in life are free.

“Those people clearly haven’t just taken delivery of a limited edition pewter model of Predator from the film Predator.

“Luther Vandross, you were so wrong.”