Tuesday, 7th July 2020

Woman goes temporarily insane after losing phone in handbag for eight seconds

A WOMAN lost her mind after being momentarily unable to find her phone in her handbag, it has emerged.

Emma Bradford confirmed she could not find the phone for approximately eight seconds during which she went from puzzlement to raging panic and eventually raw, undiluted psychosis.

Bradford said: “It was a wild ride. When I realised it wasn’t among the hellish mess I thought, ‘well, that’s the end of that’.

“But then I went completely insane, tearing at the inside of the handbag like a wolverine. As five seconds became six seconds I realised my life was now a wretched wasteland.

“By the eighth second I no longer cared about the phone because it had been stolen by someone who was using it to buy Bitcoin and skunk, but inside my head I was still shouting ‘FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!’.

“And then I found it.”