Woman in supermarket spends 20 minutes staring at Sugar Puffs to avoid small talk with neighbour 

A WOMAN spent 20 minutes staring at breakfast cereal in a supermarket to avoid making small talk with a neighbour she does not really know very well.

Emma Bradford had already bumped into neighbour Martin Bishop once during her weekly food shop and then continued in the hope she would not have to bump into him again and make even more stilted conversation.

Bradford said, “I once bumped into someone four times while in a supermarket and by the fourth time I was looking at the reduced section and it really was painfully awkward. Never again.”

Meanwhile, Bishop said: “After I bumped into Emma I couldn’t bare to bump into her again, so I went to the drinks aisle and just looked at all the fancy bottles of red wine. All the expensive bottles are on the top shelf because rich people are obviously taller than poor people.

“Anyway, after 20 minutes, I thought she must have finished her shopping, but when I stuck my head round the corner she was staring at the Sugar Puffs like a nutter. I decided to carry on looking at the booze until she was gone.”

He added: “Who pays £12 for a bottle of red wine when they’ve got one for £3.45?”

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Scotland and Wales join judges on ‘enemies of the people’ list

THE populations of Scotland and Wales have joined the UK legal system as enemies of the people for interfering in Brexit. 

The countries have aroused English Brexiters’ ire for winning the right to have their say in a decision which directly concerns them.

Roofer Nathan Muir said: “The list just gets longer and longer, doesn’t it.

“I’m a fair guy. I don’t believe in execution without trial. But add parliament and the Remoaners to this list and you can see we’re going to have to take certain steps just to clear the backlog.

“Why these people have to stick their oar in when Theresa May has already promised she’ll get the best deal possible, I cannot fathom.

“Still, it’s their funeral. I just pity them the proud, wonderful sovereign Britain they’ll miss out on.”