Woman still posting those pukey Facebook messages

A WOMAN is continuing to share ‘inspirational’ Facebook memes long after everyone else decided they were cliched drivel, it has emerged.

Office administrator Donna Sheridan, 42, still believes in the power of trite garbage about friendship, family and believing in yourself.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “Yesterday it was ‘A house is built with bricks, but a home is built with love.’ People were getting sick of this shit in the 1990s when it was still a novelty to have photographs on your computer.

“You’d think ‘Be a unicorn in a field of horses’ would make you want to vomit whatever year it was.”

Sheridan said: “On a slow day at work I can put up as many as 20 inspirational Facebook messages featuring rainbows, babies and Snoopy. That’s a lot of joy I’ve brought into people’s lives.

“I’m sure people read things like ‘Be yourself – because everyone else is taken!’ and enjoy having something deep and philosophical to think about.

“Some messages, such as ‘I like my best friend so much I married him!’, are more aspirational than literally true because my husband is a fucking bastard.”




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London friend wants to know if you're free in 10 weeks' time

A FRIEND from London has asked you to let her know by this afternoon if you are free for a drink in two-and-a-half months.

Helen Archer, who does something important like marketing, has also informed you that if you cannot do that, she could do late the next month or three months later, but warned that the diary was filling up.

Archer said: “This weekend is Sarah’s birthday, then I’ve got that mini-break to Lisbon, then we’re taking the cat in for its check-up, then it’s Emma’s birthday.

“Then I’ve got a team-building weekend in Dorset, then it’s Samantha’s wedding, then it’s other Sarah’s hen party.

“I could maybe squeeze you in on September 23, but we’d have to be done by half-seven because I’m going to the theatre with my friends who like going to the theatre.”

Archer promised that she would definitely not cancel on you this time, even though she had an important project deadline that week that would involve her working even harder than usual, not to mention Beth’s engagement drinks and Jemma’s housewarming.

She also asked if you could please check if you were free in October next year to see her get married to a man who does something important involving tax law.