Woman who claims to be ‘devil’s advocate’ just deliberately annoying

A WOMAN who claimed to take a controversial position to stimulate debate is actually just annoying, it has been confirmed.

Carolyn Ryan interrupted a conversation with workmates talking about Donald Trump to tell them she thought the world could benefit from a strong authoritarian influence in such dangerous times.

Ryan’s colleague Nikki Hollis said: “We all looked at her like she was mental but Carolyn said we were seeing the world through an immature liberal bias and that it was a shame Hitler wasn’t around to help.

“It all got quite aggressive and Jenny from sales called her a Nazi, but then Carolyn said ‘Relax guys. I don’t really think that, I’m just playing devil’s advocate’, and sauntered off.

“It’s like when she asked us if we were sure Finland really existed. Once she asked me if I’d considered, just for the sake of argument, whether the reason my garden floods every year isn’t due to climate change but actually because god hates me for being a lesbian.”

Ryan said: “I don’t even know what an advocate is. I just like being a prick.”

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UKIP announces unclear plans for brewery-based drinking session

UKIP has announced unclear and contradictory plans for a night of drinking in a brewery.

Details of the social event have yet to be confirmed, after various members offered conflicting information on date, time and venue.

A UKIP spokesman said: “It will be in a brewery in Leeds, this Friday, where spouses and children will be welcome. Free pork pies too.”

However someone describing themselves as the official UKIP spokesman said: “It will be in Sunderland, a week from Thursday and no spouses or children will be welcomed.

“No free pies either. Although there will be limited free crisps.”

The two were then further contradicted by UKIP ‘regional co-ordinator’ Tom Logan who said: “It will be in Carlisle, late March, spouses welcome but no children. No free crisps or free pies although there is a free coach.

“Actually no, the coach is a tenner. No wait, there isn’t a coach.”

Member Wayne Hayes said: “These are really great times for UKIP, and this Halloween piss up in Gloucester is just the start of it.”