Woman with wheelie case leaves trail of destruction in her wake

24 PEOPLE have been hospitalised by an ignorant person’s wheelie case.

Accountant Emma Bradford left a trail of broken bones, sprained ankles and crushed toes as she pulled her wheelie case from Paddington station’s train platforms to its underground entrance with remarkable indifference to her fellow humans.

Onlooker Roy Hobbs said: “With its rigid handle fully extended, her case was stretching out about a metre behind her. It was more of a portable trip hazard than a piece of luggage.

“One man toppled over it and landed face-first with the sickening crunch of teeth on stone. I’m surprised she didn’t hear that and turn around.

“Then she took out an entire family and they fell in a big heap, like in a Batman comic when he beats up a gang.

“I guess she was just fixated on her destination and didn’t give a fuck.”

Finally turning around to see the groaning bodies sprawled across the concourse, Bradford said: “Some idiots really don’t watch where they’re going, do they?

“I only hope my pants, t-shirts and beach-reading paperback are not damaged.”

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Most firemen not particularly handsome

THE majority of firefighters are pretty average looking, it has emerged.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that less than two per cent of fire prevention operatives have a chiselled jaw and washboard abs.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Most of them aren’t calendar worthy, in fact many firefighters could pass for coach drivers or members of other un-sexy professions.

“The good looking ones only do the job for about six months’ anyway before they get headhunted by a male stripper outfit like the Dream Boys and change their name to ‘Lex Montana’.”

Fireman Wayne Hayes said: “My job is charging into burning buildings and rescuing people, not to be some kind of go-to sex object for unimaginative housewives.

“However I do moisturise and exfoliate, you have to when working around all that dry air.”