Women now doing lots of pointless bloke crap

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

The Institute for Studies found that more women were doing pointless man activities such as constructing vast model railways, making undrinkable homebrew and starting DIY projects but never finishing them.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “”It’’s possible that after years of being excluded from crap male activities women mistakenly believe there is some pleasure to be had from spending months brewing beer that’s basically rank, yeasty water.

““Alternatively they may think that if a wholly pointless task needs doing, such as building a scale model of HMS Victory from a kit, it would be quicker to do it themselves.

““The message is clear – modern women are refusing to be stuck in the kitchen when they could be in the garage sorting screws by size into a little set of Black & Decker plastic drawers.””

Professor Brubaker added that many women were choosing to remain single rather than have relationships with men with crap hobbies, and so were having to take up trainspotting, martial arts and collecting beer glasses themselves.

Barrister Donna Sheridan said: “”I don’’t need a man in my life to start a collection of classic comedy DVDs that come with a massively overpriced part-works magazine.

““Last night I got all my girlfriends to come over for a Jean Claude Van Damme marathon and we were just as bored as any group of blokes would be when you remember Universal Soldier is actually just shit, rather than so shit it’’s funny.””

Britain’s ‘moral values’ based on Star Wars, Breakfast Club and The Godfather

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.

As politicians once again insisted Britain was a Christian country, millions of people stressed it was probably more of a Star Wars country.

Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “Star Wars taught me about the importance of freedom, democracy and courage in the face of tyranny. And about the importance of using your miraculous gifts to benefit the entire galaxy.”

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, added: “Breakfast Club taught me that we are all insecure but that through dialogue we can find our common humanity. It also taught me that teachers are the worst people in the world.”

Bill McKay, from Peterborough, said The Godfather taught him that family was the foundation of society, adding: “It also taught me that gambling and prostitution are acceptable sources of revenue, but that drugs are absolutely not.”

Meanwhile, experts said there remains a very small number of people in Britain who are so Christian that they actually go to church once a week but that most of them are really quite unpleasant.