Women only multi-task because no other bugger does anything

WOMEN are forced to do at least six things at a time because no one else actually does anything, it has been confirmed.

Research has revealed the ability to do multiple tasks at once is a skill acquired from years and years of having no choice.

Emma Howard, from Leeds, said: “There’s this convenient myth that women are genetically designed to be great at multi-tasking so therefore they should do all the stuff. This is bullshit.

“The only way I have time to work, take care of the kids, cook, clean, keep fit and wash all the bloody laundry is to do a fuckload of jobs at the same time.

“Even when I have sex, I’m planning what to make for the kid’s tea while doing my tax return.

“It’s not like I want to feed a baby while having a piss, checking my emails and hoovering. I just don’t have a choice.

“I am fucking knackered.”

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Elderly parents worried about some bullshit on the radio again

A WOMAN is becoming increasingly annoyed by her parents believing every bit of nonsense they hear on the radio.

Donna Sheridan’s parents regularly pester her with nonsense including insane health scare stories and the opinions of random idiots on phone-ins.

Sheridan said: “Mum said it was on the radio that cheese gives you cancer. It was obviously just a daft news story but she’d already put her Cathedral City in the bin using rubber gloves.

“Then Dad informed me holding a door open for a woman is treated as sexual harassment now. Eventually I established this wasn’t a new law and just the opinion of some fuckwit on Talkradio.

“If it’s not contaminated milk from Latvia they’ve heard about on Farming Today it’s faulty radiators that can blow up without warning.

“I wondered if older people take the radio more seriously, but they’re not listening to Winston Churchill during the Blitz, it’s toss like Let’s Talk Bedfordshire with Mike Dee!

Sheridan’s mother Angela said: “Donna should be thanking me after I phoned her at work to warn her about yoghurts that can make you go blind.”