A YOUNG couple are striving to shed their working-class roots and bring a brand new, middle-class awfulness into their lives.
Nikki Hollis and her partner Thom believe they are at a stage when they are ready and can afford to feel insufferably superior to people they now consider to be more common than they are.
Hollis said: “We’ve worked hard to cultivate a lovely home for middle-class toxicity to thrive. We’ve got a Smeg fridge and a labradoodle, and my Insta stories are stuffed with humblebrags about how happy I’d be if only we could afford an Aga but we’ve given the money to Ukraine instead.
“We’ve also worked hard on ourselves. I now only use profanity for emphasis, not punctuation, and we’ve added a superfluous ‘h’ to Thom’s name so he sounds like he runs a small architecture studio in a converted woollen mill rather than working in a call centre.
“It’s not always easy, and I do sometimes lie awake in my organic cotton bed sheets and wonder if deliberately turning ourselves into wankers is a terrible mistake.
“But it does seem to be going well. Thom thinks our friends and family already consider us to be massive twats who were nicer as we were. One can only hope.”
