THE National Lottery can do more to benefit its predominantly working-class players by giving lots of money to Kerry Katona, ministers said yesterday.
Ms Katona will receive up to £10 million per month in used fifties, which she will be free to spend on saturated fat, Disney merchandise and unbelievably vulgar holidays.
Culture minister, Ben Bradshaw, said: "It's about time we thanked the working class for pissing their money away every week on an infinitesimally small chance of escaping their dreary existence.
"As an independent woman with the self-control of a hungry labrador in a sausage factory, Kerry is the perfect mascot for the modern prole.
"Nothing will please them more than seeing their heroine stuffing her face with massive gammon-and-prawn-spicy vol-au-vents as her and her checkout-girl pals drive around the country in a bright pink, stretch Hummer, singing drunkenly to Rhiannna and flashing their tits."
According to Camelot 98% of lottery players and 101% of scratchcard buyers are officially working class.
But previous lottery-funded projects have been criticised as too middle-class, including a 60ft sculpture of some brioche made from bits of the Guardian and a free, open-air ballet about searching for the perfect sun-dried tomato during that golden summer in Tuscany.
A spokesman for Katona said: "She's going to have her tits pumped up to the size of the Albert Hall, fill the English channel with Lambrini and then bob around in it hosting noisy 'Princess parties' on her knockers with free prawn bites and Akon as the guest of honour. Minted."