PEOPLE from the north of England have been accused of hypocrisy due to constantly going on about how unfriendly Southerners are on public transport.
Despite claiming to be shocked by the lack of eye contact Londoners make on the Tube, Northerners will frown and glare pointedly out of the window if you try to strike up a conversation on the bus.
Southerner Stephen Malley said: “My Northern mates always say everyone is super-friendly up there. So as I got on a northbound train for a weekend in Manchester, I made sure to smile at everyone. Didn’t get much response, but I thought it was probably because they were all Southern tourists.
“When I got on the bus to my hotel, I grinned at the man next to me and said it was a shame about the weather. All I got was a dirty look. Then, on the tram, I asked a woman how her day was going. She asked me if I wanted money or something.
“Even the pedestrians looked suspicious when I bid them a cheery good evening. Then it hit me: despite there being a whole three hours’ travelling difference between north and south, we aren’t so different after all.
“Aside from Northerners being arrogant bastards who think they’re better than everyone else, of course.”