Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Youngest siblings most likely to be dicks

THE youngest sibling in a family has an 85 per cent chance of being the most annoying dick in that family, studies have shown. 

New research has shown that younger children are more likely to be the favourite of their parents, are more likely to believe they are funny, and are far more likely to be irritating, tiresome dicks.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The eldest sibling is usually more confident and responsible. Middle children are quieter and introspective. And the youngest are knobheads.

“Seriously, think of the most annoying person you know at work, in the pub, whatever. Guarantee you they’re a youngest one.

“The theory we’re currently following is that they’re genetically programmed to be this way to stop humans from reproducing indefinitely and overpopulating the planet. They’re nature’s little contraceptives.”

Tom Logan, the youngest of two brothers, said: “Nah, older siblings are twats because they’re always on at you about breaking their stuff or moaning that they were never allowed to do whatever when they were my age.

“Now sod off or I’m telling Mum.”