WEARING a poppy isn’t just about showing your respect, it’s also a chance for idiots to enjoy feeling furious. Here are some ‘controversies’ to get het up about.
Someone doesn’t wear a poppy on TV
Watch TV like a hawk and kick off if you spot a celebrity or newsreader not wearing one. Don’t check whether it fell off just before going on air or something – that will totally kill your sanctimonious buzz.
Your poppy is the wrong colour
White poppies are for hippy scum and red ones for decent people. Don’t even begin to think you can choose the one that best represents your own views. If you’ve got the wrong colour poppy you may as well have been operating the German machine guns yourself.
A traitor does not wear a poppy while playing sport
Last year footballer James McClean received death threats for not wearing a poppy. Be sure to threaten anyone not wearing a symbol of remembrance for people who died violent deaths with a violent death.
People with fancy poppies
Some celebrities wear slightly more expensive poppies that resemble a brooch. This is a level of nitpicking soldiers storming the Normandy beaches would definitely have cared about.
Disrespectful bastards who wear it on the wrong side
Some people insist poppies must go on the left-hand side, and only the Queen can wear a poppy on her right. If you’re one of these people you probably also think Queenie was personally chosen for her job by God and are a bit mad.
The pin-related stab risk
An actual controversy a couple of years ago, but less to do with Remembrance Day itself and more to do with being a clumsy twat.