GANGS wearing the colours of Apple Music, Deezer, Spotify and Tidal are battling for supremacy on the streets.
Teenagers, each fanatically devoted to the music streaming service they subscribe to, have vowed to wipe their rivals from the face of the earth.
Apple gang leader Helen Archer, wearing a necklace of severed ears, said: “There can be only one.
“Just like my grandfather battered mods with a motorcycle chain, I’m garrotting anyone who dares say artists can survive on $0.007 per play with my Beats headphones.
“Because music is important.”
42-year-old Joseph Turner said: “They grabbed me when I’d ventured out for supplies and held me down, a knife to my groin, while they checked the apps on my phone.
“I tried to tell them I just buy mp3s from Amazon but they didn’t believe anyone could be that backward.
“They wouldn’t let me go until I agreed to a free three-month trial with exclusives from artists including Drake, The Black Keys and SBTRKT.”