THE Inland Revenue is to get new powers to hold people upside down and shake them until all the money falls out of their pockets.
The Inland Revenue already has the power to take anything it wants out of taxpayers’ bank accounts whenever it feels like it, and to sleep with their wives.
However, the new powers were deemed necessary after it emerged that some people still had the odd penny left in their clothing.
Warren Justice, Director of Taxpayer Harassment at the Inland Revenue, said the new powers would be used unsparingly and against everyone.
He said: “It is obvious to me from the way stuff keeps getting bought that many people in this country still have money after we have supposedly finished with them. That is as unacceptable as it is astonishing.”
Mr Justice said all money collected by this method would be destroyed by taxmen in a controlled explosion behind the bar of the Inland Revenue Sports and Social Club.
Later this year the Inland Revenue will be given the right to set a wild boar on anyone suspected of withholding tax.
And from next April it will be given the right to strangle people in their homes with its bare hands, whether they have any money or not.