Murdoch Offers £2.5 Million For Royal Baby

MEDIA tycoon Rupert Murdoch has tabled an opening bid of £2.5 million for the next royal baby.

Prince Edward and his wife Sophie, who are expecting their second child later this year, are understood to be reluctant to sell to Mr Murdoch and are hoping for a bidding war between the Australian-born billionaire and Britain's own Sir Richard Branson.

The News International boss sees a move into European royalty as the next logical step for his multi-national business.

If the bid is successful the child would be raised inside Murdoch's vast volcano headquarters in the South Pacific before being unleashed at the age of 18.

The royal teenager would then leave a trail of scandal across London, Gloucestershire and Verbier while giving weekly exclusive interviews to the Sun and the Wall Street Journal and capturing every moment on camera for Sky One and the Fox network.

The child, who would refer to Murdoch as 'Uncle Rupert', would also be given a column in the Sunday Times.

Paul Bratter, a media analyst, said: "He's been desperate to own a human being for years, but the right deal has never come up.

"Since the mid-80s he's tabled bids for Macauley Culkin, the creepy little kid from Sixth Sense and Frankie Muniz from Malcolm in the Middle.

"A royal baby is more adaptable and the merchandising opportunities are much stronger. This will be his legacy."

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Bomb Doctors Struck Off For Working Saturdays

FOREIGN bomb doctors have brought "disgrace" on their profession by breaching rules on out of hours work, according to the British Medical Association.

The new GP contracts restrict the perpetration of terrorist outrages to normal surgery hours, nine until five, Monday to Friday.

Senior medics say the bomb doctors should be struck off for attacking Glasgow airport on a weekend afternoon when they should have been playing golf, or drinking heavily.

Dr Bill McKay, head of the BMA's GP contracts committee, said: "This undermines our negotiating position with the Department of Health."

He added: "Doctors spend many years studying before taking a solemn oath to earn £100,000 a year and play at least 18 holes every Saturday. We do not work at weekends.

"Not only were they not playing golf, they attempted to drive a shabby L-reg Jeep into an airport. Any proper doctor would have used a Range Rover or, at the very least, a BMW X5."

NHS vetting procedures are to be upgraded to cope with the recent influx of foreign bomb doctors.

Currently all new medics arriving from abroad are requested not to murder large numbers of British citizens.

From next April they will be told that mass terrorism is "unprofessional" and will be asked to sign a disclaimer.