TEACHING unions have called for all school children to be no more than 18 inches high in a bid to drive up standards.
The National Union of Teachers (NUT) said children are now too big to be taught effectively and only a radical reduction in child sizes will help Britain take on the Chinese.
Wayne Hayes, the NUT's child size officer, said: "Ideally we want school-age children to be between 12 and 18 inches high.
"This means they can be picked-up and put in a bag or herded into corners.
"But they're not so small that you would stand on them, or miss them altogether and leave them locked in the school overnight."
He added: "Tiny children are more receptive to teachers, mainly because they look like terrifying giants.
"You're not going to be giving lip to someone who is four or five times taller than you and speaks in a big booming voice.
"They are also cheaper to feed – one large carrot would last them a week. And I'd imagine it would be great fun to race them."
The Department of Education said it would consider a tiny pilot scheme and is looking at an experimental breeding programme involving the top 12 National Hunt jockeys and Dannii Minogue.