President Biden has declared war on Texas, vowing to remove its regime of medieval tyranny.
The move followed the state’s passing of abortion laws which Biden called ‘extreme’. Other leading Democrats described them as ‘absolutely batshit f**king mental’.
Biden said: “A line has been drawn in the sand, the sands of the Rio Grande valley. Our mission is to establish a new American order, spreading democracy into every state of our great nation, even the mad religious ones.”
In a radio speech, Governor of Texas Greg Abbott said: “By the will of God who is great and merciful, we shall smite these liberal unbelievers if they set one foot on our hallowed soil.
“What do you mean, I sound exactly like one of those Islamic fundamentalists that I profess to dislike so much? I’m right, because God said so. And he is definitely real.”
Political commentator Norman Steele said, “Invading a state within your own country is a radical step. When Biden said he wanted to bring the American troops back home, none of us thought this was what he had in mind.
“However, this is Texas we’re talking about, and they’re being twats, so f**k ‘em.”