THE ABBA reunion does not count as a proper one because it’s not grey-haired old blokes with guitars, men have confirmed.
The mega-selling critically-acclaimed group have recorded a new album and launched a digital stage show, none of which is equivalent to Led Zeppelin doing one gig in 2007 because it is pop music and two of them are women.
Company director Wayne Hayes said: “The Stone Roses reunion was epochal. The Eagles reunion really mattered. This? Marketing.
“It doesn’t count as a reunion unless there’s a massive fanbase of male fans with expansive guts desperate to hear the famous solo played by the actual guy in a cavernous arena while his straggly grey hair hangs down.
“The Police reunion tour covered five continents and made $360 million. The Guns ‘N’ Roses reunion made $584 million. Abba reforming, in contrast, is a crass commercial move ripping off the fans.
“Reconciled after 40 years? Some kind of artistic rebirth? No, I’m sorry, all those terms are reserved for proper bands. This is no better than an 80s nostalgia show at Skegness Butlin’s.”
He added: “I’ve heard a rumour The Jam are reforming. Oh my God, that would be the greatest gig of my life. I’d pay two grand for a ticket.”