BADGERS faced with further culls have received combat training from a grizzled honey badger.
Ferocious Africa-based honey badger Wayne Hayes has travelled to the UK to advise his cousins on how to fuck humans up.
During a meeting in a secret training sett, Hayes said: “Human testicles are located, as you may expect, between their hind legs.
“The trick is to run at them in a zig zag pattern while snarling. Use your foreclaws to gain purchase on their trouser fabric, then scrabble towards the genital area.
“Then you bite, twist and pull. Bite, twist and pull.”
Badger Tom Booker said: “I was always taught to shy away from humans unless trapped in a garage. I’m not even sure I want testicles in my mouth but I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures.
“That honey badger is mental though, I just saw him eat an adder like it was a liquorice stick.”