Pellegrini tells City to shove their cup

MANUEL Pellegrini has confirmed that Manchester City can stick the League Cup up its backside.

Following the club’s win over Liverpool Pellegrini said: “I am delighted for me, obviously, but the rest of the club can go take a jogging fuck at a rolling bin for the next thousand years.

“This applies especially to the players, who showed today that they can do their £100k-a-week job when the mood takes them, and not just once their boss has been given his P45.

“Now if you will excuse me I’m off home, I have some people viewing my house, which I am having to sell due to those horde of arseholes I just mentioned.”

Meanwhile, the trophy cabinet of the Etihad stadium has been extended by 3,000 square feet in anticipation of Pep Guardiola’s ascent from heaven.

Pellegrini added: “I wish Pep all the best in his two and a bit years at the club before they decide he’s also too small for them and they want Jesus or Godzilla instead.”