Britain excited to finally find out if Iraq war was a bad idea

BRITAIN cannot wait to read the Chilcot Report to find out if the Iraq war was an abject disaster or totally brilliant. 

The 800-page report, released today, will finally deliver the thumbs-up or thumbs-down verdict on the war that the public have been waiting for until 2003.

Military historian Joseph Turner said: “On the one hand, Saddam Hussain was a bad man with a bad man’s moustache.

“On the other hand the war killed hundreds of thousands of civilians, strengthened Al-Qaeda and then created a new terrorist group who Al-Qaeda feel go a bit far, cost £29 billion and still isn’t over.

“So it’s very much up in the air. Could go either way.”

Mary Fisher of East Grinstead said: “Initially I was into the war because they could hit London with missiles within 45 minutes and I’m a bit further south so it might have been closer to 43.

“Then I went off it because it was dragging on a bit, the desert’s boring to look at, and they didn’t manage to tie in Osama Bin Laden like they’d promised they would beforehand.

“I’m glad they’re deciding once and for all whether it was any good or not. Hopefully after this they’ll move on to the Matrix sequels.”

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Man’s comments about 'baby boomers' starting to sound kind of bigoted

A MAN who blames ‘baby boomers’ for everything is starting to sound like a racist, people have noticed.

Web designer Wayne Hayes, 25, regularly says things that would be considered hate speech if directed at a racial group, rather than the incredibly diverse demographic born after 1945.

Co-worker Nikki Hollis said: “Wayne blames baby boomers for everything from tuition fees and leaving the EU to damaging the environment. It makes them sound like a crap version of SPECTRE.

“He says they’re the bastards who are responsible for all his problems, but I’m pretty sure billions of old people didn’t set up a huge conspiracy to stop him buying a flat.

“Personally I don’t agree with blaming one group for all society’s ills, because we know where that leads – Nigel Farage on TV all the fucking time.”

Friend Tom Logan said: “He’s starting to sound a bit mad, like he’s planning to blow up a Saga cruise ship or something.

“Also it’s a bit rich to say they’ve ruined everything with their selfishness, because his parents are really nice and gave him loads of money when he was fannying about at university.”