Dacre and Rusbridger to have slap-fight after work

PAUL Dacre and Alan Rusbridger are to have a fight in the street at 6pm this evening.

The two men have been goading each other for the last week, culminating in an agreement to take it outside, as long as it is not raining.

But experts said the fight will be pathetic as both men are solidly middle class.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “They will stare at each other for a full minute, grimacing like a couple of old ladies with urinary tract infections.

“Then they will rush forwards, flapping their hands while keeping their faces turned to one side and their eyes firmly shut.”

He added: “It will probably end when Rusbridger’s glasses fall off or Dacre hears one of the voices in his head.”