Listening device found in tapas

A LISTENING device has been discovered hidden inside a prawn at a Spanish restaurant.

Diner Emma Bradford was enjoying a meal with friends at the Spanish-owned La Casa restaurant when she bit into something hard and metallic.

She said: “At first I thought it was a bit of prawn shell, but on closer examination it turned out to be a tiny microphone.

“The Spanish had been secretly recording our entire conversation. Now they know everything about my possible work promotion and difficult relationship with my ex-husband Tony.

“Because I was hungry, I had totally forgotten they are our enemies now. Thank god I don’t know any classified information about bombs and missile bases.”

She added: “We should destroy Spain before it attacks us. Also, six quid is a right rip off for a few garlic prawns and they stuck on a 10 per cent service charge which is frankly a bit of a liberty.”


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Why are all our TV programmes so f**king trippy? ask children

CHILDREN have demanded to know why television programmes aimed at them are all incredibly weird.

They cited offerings such as Big Cook Little Cook, a cookery show hosted by a demonic midget, and bad acid trip Doodlebops.

Five-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “We appreciate the effort and we’re not being ungrateful, but we’re trying to learn how the world works and you’re giving us In The Night Garden and Twirlywoos, which are clearly the products of a deranged adult mind.

“Even Peppa Pig seems determined to convince me that pigs drive cars and go to ballet lessons. How does that help anyone?

“It’s all a bit of a mindeo, to be honest. Let’s just stick to the straightforward stuff like Fireman Sam in future, yeah?

“Just a man in a helmet doing a sensible job against a colourful backdrop, and no weird shit bouncing around on a spring going ‘ugg-erk’.”