Queen destroys aircraft carrier

THE Queen has destroyed Britain’s newest aircraft carrier after hitting it with a bottle.

The monarch had planned to christen the Queen Elizabeth but moments after the bottle made contact, the £3 billion vessel shook violently and collapsed into a heap of twisted metal.

The Queen stood silently before the wreckage and then shook her head slowly and mumbled ‘what the fuck is wrong with this country?’.

A Ministry of Defence spokesman said: “The ship builders forgot to use rivets. These things happen. It’s only money.”

A Downing Street spokesman added: “We’ll probably use the metal to make a enormous, baffling sculpture to be positioned on the outskirts of some northern hellhole in a bid to trick people into thinking it’s a nice place to live.”