RAF To Bomb Peterborough Back To Stone Age

PETERBOROUGH was today bracing itself for wave after wave of devastating raids by low-flying Tornado fighter-bombers.

How Peterborough's magnificent 12th Century cathedral will look to the boys of 4-2 Squadron

The historic cathedral city has been targeted by RAF chiefs after air force personnel were called names by some students.

Air Chief Marshall Sir Tom Logan said: "Our brave airmen have been subjected to ill-considered taunts from some of Peterborough's most fanatical and determined Guardian readers.

"We could simply ignore them and go about our business, but that would send the wrong message to our enemies in Iraq, Afghanistan and France."

The raid will be carried out by a formation of six Tornadoes each carrying a 200 pound Geronimo, laser-targeted bomb, also known as the 'Cathedraliser'.

Many people have already evacuated, although a Guardian-reading hardcore has pledged to shout incisive criticism at the planes as they unleash fiery death.

Sir Tom added: "Thanks to the cutting edge technology of today's RAF, this charming, provincial city with its treasured medieval architecture will be a smouldering husk by around tea time.

"Peterborough has made its date with destiny. I would strongly advise its citizens to flee to Grantham. If you're going via the A1, there's a lovely tearoom at Woolsthorpe."