A SOLDIER who has been fighting the war on drugs for more than 20 years has finally emerged from a big jungle full of bullshit.
Martin Bishop first entered the jungle in the early 1990s after pledging his undying loyalty to Peter Hitchens, the Emperor of Bad Ideas.
Over the decades small platoons of sensible people stood on the edge of the jungle shouting ‘you’re wasting your time’ and ‘you do know that this won’t make the slightest difference?’.
But Bishop, who used an old CB radio to keep in contact with the Emperor, would reply with short bursts of ‘addiction is a fantasy’ and ‘jail them all’.
He eventually agreed to surrender after volunteers approached the jungle at night and left him some facts and a little bag of hash.
As he walked out of the jungle, squinting at the sun and reeking of bodily waste, Bishop said: “I now realise that the Emperor is mortal. And massively wrong about everything.
“I feel like a total idiot. I’m really Sorry.”