SCHOOLCHILDREN are more motivated to play truant now that their parents will be punished in a court of law.
Adolescents nursing grudges against the people who feed and house them can now dodge school for a fortnight, say they were in the Bahamas and see their mum and dad given a hefty fine.
Hormonal maniac Susan Traherne, aged 14, said: “I wasn’t bought tickets for every night of One Direction’s UK tour, therefore my life is over and its all my mothers fault.
A two-week sleepover and a few lies to the magistrates and shell be in the prison thats too good for her. Such a pity we dont have the death penalty.
11-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “I’ve finally got them where I want them, churning out sick notes on demand.
“Plus I’m learning to be deceitful and manipulative which are key business skills.”
Teacher Carolyn Ryan said: Oh, the worlds of learning those skiving children will miss.
Certainly they wouldnt just have been told to be quiet and work through their textbooks while their teachers did the weekly Ocado shop, because thats not how education works in my classroom.