US to build spy plane designed by eight-year-old

LOCKHEED is to build a hypersonic robot spy plane based on the drawings of eight-year-old Kyle Stephenson.

The Carlisle schoolboy’s plane, which shoots flames out of its engines and is piloted by the Terminator, will be operational in time for his 40th birthday.

Named Eagle Tornado XKSupercool the aircraft will fly at six times the speed of sound, enabling it to hear what enemy spies have said before they have even said it.

It will also be equipped with mind cameras that can take pictures of terrorists whenever they think of bombs.

Stephenson has insisted that the dragons being ridden by the Hulk painted on its wings are vital to making it fly faster, as is the insignia “Kyle is the best, IDST” on the fuselage.

US military sources have confirmed they are working with Stephenson on further projects including a tank that can punch people and a gun that turns into a sports car.

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Page 3 to go dot-to-dot

THE Sun has confirmed it will continue to print bare breasts in a join-the-dots format.

Images of topless girls will be converted into puzzle form, meaning that nudity can now only be viewed by readers with penmanship skills.

A spokesman said: “Page 3 is a time-honoured tradition whereby dads can enjoy becoming sexually aroused at the family breakfast table.

“We didn’t want to cave in to the feminist killjoys, so we’ve added a puzzle element.

“Parents will be able to follow an alternate pattern that allows them to draw a woolly jumper over the model, and mature readers can opt for the ‘European’ subscription which allows them to add gynecological features.

“Kids will see their fathers hunched over the page with a biro and look forward to having a go on it when they’re older.”

However puzzle fan Roy Hobbs said: “Puzzles are a reliable, safe entertainment form for elderly people and weird asexual men like me. Whenever I see one I have to complete it.

“But when I start a dot-to-dot I’m hoping for a nice picture of a squirrel or a space rocket, not a poolside shot of semi-naked 19-year-old with a fixed grin and a hollow doll-like gaze.”